


Daydreaming

by puppyeolie



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bullying, ChanHun, Eating Disorders, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Pining, Secret Relationship, chanyeol is all sehun can think about, chanyeol is not out of the closet, sechan - Freeform, sehun is an outcast, sehun is gay and sad, they hook up but never label their relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:09:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26916388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/puppyeolie/pseuds/puppyeolie
Summary: Sehun woke up to an empty bed.He was used to it.
Relationships: Oh Sehun/Park Chanyeol
Comments: 19
Kudos: 72





	Daydreaming

Sehun woke up to an empty bed.

He was used to it. Chanyeol always left before he woke up.

He stretched his sore body and pulled up his old comforter to cover himself. His sheets still smelled like Chanyeol.

\---------------------

Sehun looked at himself in the mirror of the tiny bathroom in his cramped apartment, hair wet and a towel flung across his shoulders. There were marks littered across his collarbones. He smiled as he traced them with his fingers. His blue button-up would cover them up soon. Sehun wanted people to see them, but Sehun never wanted to be seen.

A plate of pancakes greeted him in his living room. They had already gone cold. Sehun wondered how early Chanyeol had left this morning, whether he had slept at all.

He checked his phone for any texts from him. Nothing. Like always. There never was. No Chanyeol, no notes, no texts, there would only be a table set with breakfast every morning he woke up after a night with Chanyeol. He knew Sehun had a habit of skipping meals.

Sehun sighed as he put down his phone to chomp down Chanyeol’s pancakes before he left for the day’s classes. He knew Chanyeol would probably text him a few hours later. They wouldn’t talk about the breakfast he cooked Sehun, or the night they spent. Sehun wanted to. But they would act like it never happened, those were the unspoken rules.

\---------------------

Sehun walked into campus, earphones in, the music he and Jongin had been preparing a choreo to over the past week softly playing on loop.

Chanyeol was the only thing on his mind.

He remembered meeting him for the first-time during orientation. He remembered the alcohol pushing himself beyond his usual reserved self. He remembered the alcohol making a loud and friendly Chanyeol even louder and friendlier.

They were drunk the first night. Only tipsy on the second. And sober every night after.

Chanyeol always left before he woke up.

\---------------------

Sehun walked into the dining hall alone, and situated himself in his usual corner. He fiddled with the components of his lunch tray as he wondered why he had even bought lunch today. He would usually make do with a nutrition bar, or some bubble tea.

The answer was Chanyeol’s pancakes. He always had full meals on the days Chanyeol left him breakfast, it reminded him someone cared whether he had proper meals or not, he liked the feeling, the feeling of being cared for. It had been so long since someone did.

Chanyeol walked in with his other upperclassmen friends as Sehun made his way out of the dining hall.

Chanyeol was laughing at something Byun Baekhyun had said. He took one glance at Sehun leaving. Nothing more, not even a once-over. Sehun kept staring at their backs before they disappeared from his line of sight, hoping he would look back. Wishful thinking, too much of it.

Sehun’s phone dinged with a notification when he walked into his next class.

Did you have a nice lunch?

It was Chanyeol.

Sehun replied, he indeed had. They texted for a while before the professor showed up in class. They would always text like nothing was wrong in the way they never spoke on campus, or even acknowledged the other’s existence.

Honestly, Sehun understood.

It broke his heart, but he did.

Sehun was the boy who posted pictures in gay bars in Itaewon. Sehun was the boy who had rejected senior girls on his first week in college. Sehun was the boy who wore rainbow pins on his jacket on days he was happy. Sehun was the boy they’d whisper about in hallways. Sehun was the boy who was thrown nasty words at when he was in the washroom stalls. Sehun was the boy with no friends. Sehun was the boy everyone distanced themselves from. Sehun was the boy Chanyeol distanced himself from when not in bed tangled up with him.

It broke his heart, but he understood.

\---------------------

There were more texts from Chanyeol when Sehun opened up his phone during his break at his part-time job at the café. 

Chanyeol had texted him about his day, about the professor who scolded him, about the song lyrics that suddenly came to him in a boring class.

Sehun texted back about his day, about the rude customer at work, about how Jongin missed dance practice, about the puppy he met on the street.

They talked about the little things, the mundane things, the things that made them happy.

They talked like friends.

Were they friends?

They talked about the sad things too, when Chanyeol showed up at his apartment door at 9 pm with dinner for two and his guitar. Sehun would do his homework as Chanyeol hummed melodies on his guitar. It felt peaceful, it felt domestic, Sehun felt like he had a boyfriend. But he would never ask.

Chanyeol would talk about the things that worried him, the things that scared him, and Sehun would listen, hand clutched tightly in his. Sehun would nod, and Sehun would kiss him on the cheeks, Sehun would wipe away the tears when he cried. Chanyeol would cuddle him when Sehun told him about his favourite songs, and his memories, and his goals and ambitions. Chanyeol would kiss his shoulders, Chanyeol would hum him his favourite songs.

Sehun felt like he had a boyfriend. But he would never ask.

They would never talk about what they were, those were the unspoken rules.

But when Sehun fell into warm post-coital slumber on those nights, Chanyeol’s strong arms wrapped around his torso, he’d let himself dream, he’d let himself believe they were lovers, until he woke up in the morning and the warmth was gone, Sehun sprawled alone on one side of his small bed, in a room that still smelt of sex and Chanyeol.

\---------------------

Sehun unlocked the door to his empty apartment.

He placed the groceries he had picked up on his way home on the kitchen table adjoining his living space. Chanyeol would never show up two days in a row, dinner was on Sehun tonight.

\---------------------

He fell onto his bed when he was done showering, in an oversized sweatshirt that belonged to Chanyeol. Chanyeol was meticulous about leaving without any traces of himself except the breakfast he cooked every morning, but he had forgotten this certain sweatshirt once. Sehun had never returned it, and Chanyeol had never asked, after all, they never spoke about those nights. Sehun was grateful for once.

Sehun looked up at the chipped paint on his ceiling and drowned himself in thoughts of Chanyeol once again. He could not stop himself from thinking about Chanyeol on the days that followed their nights together. He could not stop himself from thinking about Chanyeol on most days in general, but these days were the hardest, and the saddest.

Sehun wept into the sleeve of Chanyeol’s sweatshirt as the noise of his neighbours’ fighting filtered in though the thin walls of the housing complex.

Sehun wanted to be comforted. Sehun wanted to be loved. Most of all, he wanted those things of Chanyeol.

He opened the chatbox to his last conversation with Chanyeol. Chanyeol had seen left him on seen. He could bear with it. The little things didn’t bother him anymore, not when he had to go back to pretending that they were strangers by the day.

\---------------------

Sehun had fallen asleep like that, his legs dangling off his bed, still weeping in his sleep. The ringing of his doorbell woke him up.

An utterly exhausted Sehun dragged himself up; it was already past midnight according to his wall-clock.

Sehun could not fathom who it could be at this time of the night, incessantly pressing on his doorbell. He rubbed the sleep off his eyes and peered through the eye-hole on his door.

He was startled to find Chanyeol on the other side, Chanyeol with a purple bruise on his left cheek and a busted lip with blood trickling down. It knocked Sehun’s drowsiness away.

Sehun unlocked his door as fast as his hands could work and ushered Chanyeol into his apartment, he was shaking.

Sehun was in a trance, he had no control of his body: he dragged Chanyeol into his bathroom, he grabbed his first aid kit out of his cabinet, Sehun’s hands had blood on then, he had held onto Chanyeol’s bloody knuckles.

He washed his wounds, he applied antiseptics, he put bandages on his knuckles. He rushed out to get ice from his fridge, he put it on Chanyeol’s rapidly swelling left cheek. He did not speak. Not once. Chanyeol kept his eyes down.

They stood in painful silence before Chanyeol finally spoke, bringing Sehun back to reality.

“I’m sorry for barging in like this.”

Sehun took in his injuries once again. Having finally snapped out of his haze, Sehun was on the verge of tears. He held them in.

“What happened?”, he softly asked.

Chanyeol sighed and cast his eyes down again, a minute passed before he finally spoke.

“I was out drinking with my friends. It went like any typical night out. We were tipsy when a boy showed up. I don’t remember what he looked like anymore. He was about your age. He asked me for my number. I was shocked he was so upfront about it, in a place with so many people. My friends were dumbfounded, and then they started laughing.

He realized he had approached the wrong crowd. His face was red, he looked so humiliated. He was about to hurry away from the table when one the guys pushed him down. He broke his glasses. They called him names, Sehun, fuck, the way they called him those disgusting names, and I knew they would spit the same names in my face if they knew, if only they knew.

I was frozen in place, and then the boy started crying, and they called him more names. Something snapped in me.

I shouted at them to stop. They started laughing again and I don’t know what came over me but I punched the table. Someone dropped their glass. Everyone in that room was looking at me.

I don’t remember how it escalated after that. I threw some punches, they threw some, the boy hurried away safe. They threw us out of the bar, more punches. People were gathering, they ran away, I ran too, and then I was at your doorstep. That’s all I remember.”

Sehun took in everything. He was crying now. Chanyeol noticed when he looked up after finishing his story.

“Sehun, fuck, Sehun please don’t cry, please don’t, fuck, I’m sorry.”

Sehun shook his head. He was a sobbing mess now. Chanyeol was hurt, over something as stupid as that. Chanyeol was hurt, like they hurt Sehun back then. They beat up Chanyeol, like they used to push Sehun into lockers back in high school, like they still would given a chance at college.

Chanyeol pulled Sehun into his arms.

He slowly moved out to the bedroom, Sehun still gently sobbing against him.

He sat Sehun down on his bed, and kept drawing circles onto his back, until his sobs finally died down.

“You did the right thing.”, Sehun hiccupped.

Chanyeol winced as he sent a small smile his way. Evidently, the cut on his lips hurt.

Sehun leaned in and pecked the unhurt corner of his lip.

Chanyeol smiled wider, still wincing.

“Sehun, I-”, Chanyeol started but left off with a heavy breath.

He fiddled with Sehun’s hands in his.

Sehun earnestly kept looking into his eyes, he wanted to hear this, whatever Chanyeol had been about to say.

“Go on”, he nudged him with his shoulder, soft encouraging smile on his lips.

Chanyeol let out another heavy breath.

He finally said, “I am done hiding. I am done being afraid.”

Sehun’s eyes were sparkling with hope and leftover tears.

“Sehun, I want to be with you.”

Sehun’s face, still sticky with dried tears, broke out into a full smile now.

Chanyeol took this as a good sign, he leaned in and kissed Sehun.

Sehun wrapped his arms around Chanyeol’s shoulders. He could taste the metallic tinge of blood and the bitter antiseptic on Chanyeol’s lips, and the salt of his own tears.

\---------------------

Sehun had no idea how long they stayed like that. They wound up in bed eventually, Sehun’s head on Chanyeol’s chest, contended smiles on both their faces as they were lulled to sleep.

“Hey, isn’t this my sweatshirt?”, Chanyeol sleepily mumbled. 

Sehun just murmured an incoherent reply as he snuggled further into Chanyeol’s chest. He knew he wouldn’t wake up to an empty bed the next morning.

**Author's Note:**

> Ah so I really wanted to write an angsty fanfic, and somehow ended up with Sehun and Chanyeol. I named it Daydreaming after the EXO-SC song Daydreamin'. Sehun daydreams about all that they could be throughout the fic, so I thought it would be an appropriate title. Hope people enjoy this.


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